


daffodils in the snow

by conjoinedchaos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aobajousai, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Iwaizumi Hajime in Love, Jealous Oikawa Tooru, M/M, Oikawa Tooru Needs a Hug, Oikawa Tooru-centric, Post-High School, Pre-Time Skip, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29029509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conjoinedchaos/pseuds/conjoinedchaos
Summary: Oikawa knows he’s messed up. He knows he can’t afford to be in love with someone he calls his best friend. He knows Iwaizumi deserves better than what he can give. So then why does it hurt so much seeing him falling for someone else?He knows he has to go. Oikawa loves him, he loves him so much, but he can’t. He doesn't want to.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Semi Eita
Kudos: 13





	daffodils in the snow

**Author's Note:**

> hi !! this is my first time writing so thank you for taking the time to read!!  
> fun fact, this started as a reddie oneshot that then got reworked into this oikawa-centric self-projection piece. I may add more chapters in the future but for now im marking it as complete so enjoy!!
> 
> here a link to the playlist i was listening to whilst writing if anyone is interested :D  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5W8VNQFptjWRedhES9iTZC?si=9JuPoBTOTSuUk_i_Iur0JQ

Oikawa knows he’s messed up. He knows he can’t afford to be in love with someone he calls his best friend. He knows Iwaizumi deserves better than what he can give. So then why does it hurt so much seeing his hand in hers? Watching them share soft smiles from behind, Tooru pulls the petals off a daisy he picked on their way home.  
Oikawa knows he’s messed up. She’s perfect, he wouldn't have set them up if she wasn’t. Iwaizumi deserves perfect. Iwaizumi deserves her. But, God, does it hurt. He wants to be happy for them; he has to be happy for them. After all, Oikawa is leaving. He’s moving across the globe and he needs someone to take care of his Iwa-chan while he's gone. That doesn't make the love blooming before his eyes hurt any less. He holds his mouth in a tight smile as the couple waves goodbye, diplomas in hand. He turns away and shoves the loose petals into his uniform pockets, going inside without looking back.  
He knows he has to go. Oikawa loves him. He loves him so much, but he can’t. He doesn't want to. He wants to go far, far away from the boy he calls home because Tooru can't stand seeing him in love with someone else. It hurts to know but the pain of staying is so much worse.  
It could be considered a noble act, he thinks, putting physical distance between the boy he grew up with and himself so something stupid like jealousy doesn’t push him into ruining a truly good thing in Iwaizumi’s life.  
Oikawa would rather leave and keep his best friend than risk ruining everything the pair have built with his selfish impulses.  
And so he goes. Oikawa shoves down his feelings and leaves.

***********

It's hard, but it works.  
The first few months are the worst. The emptiness that came with the absence of the other is nearly tangible. He and Iwaizumi try to text and call whenever they can but the twelve hour difference makes consistency impossible. They go from talking daily, to weekly, to once or twice a month. Oikawa misses his best friend but barely has time to dwell on it. And it works.  
He fills his head with volleyball and his space with admirers. He learns how to exist without Iwaizumi. He discovers attaching his lips to someone else’s to be the best distraction from what could have been.  
He represses, he ignores, and it works.

***********

The first time they meet again is at a party. Matsukawa had been incharge of throwing a reunion bash for the Seijoh Alumni over golden week and had absolutely insisted on Oikawa’s attendance. In a wave of homesickness and love for the boys he once called teammates, he had caved.

Thanks to Mastsukawa, Oikawa was aware of the break up that had occurred between Iwaizumi and the girl Oikawa had set him up with many moons ago. He isn't surprised to see that she is nowhere to be found. And yet what he does end up seeing is so much worse.  
Iwaizumi, his best friend, pressed up against the first boy Oikawa ever kissed, Semi Eita.

It hurts. He didn't expect it to still hurt. Iwaizumi pressed against someone who is not him. A boy who is not him. And they're kissing. They're kissing and Semi’s hands are in Iwaizumi’s hair, his lips roaming over the other boy's face, his neck, his arms. Tooru can't look away and God, it hurts. He can hear Semi’s laugh, watching as Iwaizumi smiles at his companion as if he holds the sun. Oikawa’s heart is pounding, tears pricking the back of his eyes and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. It's been two years, it shouldn't hurt anymore. Why does it still hurt?

An arm slung around his shoulders shakes him out of his trance.  
“Oikawa! Did you just get here!? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!” Matsukawa pulls him into a hug. “Hey, are you okay?”  
No. Not at all.  
With a weak laugh Oikawa brushes past his friend with a quick “I just need some air,” promising he’d come find him later. Before Matsukawa can answer, Oikawa is past him making a beeline for the back porch. He basically slams the door shut behind him and moves to grip the railing. With a long breath he tries to clear his head.  
Fuck.

***********

Busy running circles in his head, Tooru fails to notice the creaking sound of the patio door opening signaling that he is no longer alone.  
“Oikawa?” He knew that voice anywhere. The door slides shut. “What are you doing out here?”  
Taking a breath to compose himself, Oikawa turns from where he’d been leaning on the railing to face the other boy and is hit with a lifetime of yearning. Oikawa can't breathe. His well practiced facade of confidence falls as he takes notice of the state of the other boy. Iwaizumi stares back, lips red and hair mussed. It hurts.  
Iwaizumi cocks his eyebrow just as Oikawa realizes what he asked. Then, with all his might, Oikawa straightens his back and throws a forced smile onto his face hoping it's convincing enough; hoping that after their years apart Iwaizumi had lost his knack for reading Tooru like an open book.  
“Iwa-chan!” He exclaims. “I just needed some air. What are you doing out here!”  
Iwaizumi stares at him a moment longer before answering.  
“I came to find you, idiot.” He joins Oikawa by the railing, looking out into the darkness, an unreadable expression strewn across his face. “I haven’t seen you all night. When did you get in?”  
Oikawa can hear the silent question in his tone: Why didn’t you tell me.  
He fixes his gaze on the daffodils growing nearby, shoving the guilt down.  
“This morning. I wanted to surprise Iwa-chan by showing up tonight!” Then, mustering up as much courage as possible, Oikawa continues. “You seemed a little preoccupied when I got here though. I didn’t realize you and Semi-chan were so close.”  
Iwaizumi sharply inhales, exhaling in a soft laugh. Their eyes meet and Oikawa can’t help but appreciate how gorgeous the other boy is.  
“You saw that, huh?” His hand finds its way to the back of his neck, cheeks flushing red to match his swollen lips. “He really is something…”  
Tearing his eyes away from his best friend, Tooru clears his throat before attempting to speak. “I’m happy for you Hajime, I really am.”  
Surprised at the sentiment, Iwaizumi visibly relaxes.  
“Yeah? That means a lot. I was scared you were going to hate the idea of us together, with him being from Shiratorizawa and all but,” Iwaizumi turns to him, affectionately punching his shoulder, smile bright and brilliant as always. “Maybe you're not that much of a shitty guy after all.”  
It hurts. But he can’t let it show.  
“Awh Iwa-chan don’t go getting all sappy on me now! I’m happy as long as you're happy.” The statement burns like acid on his tongue. “You’d better get back. Semi-chan is probably wondering where you ran off to.”  
With a small laugh, Oikawa gives his best friend a playful shove back toward the party. Iwaizumi makes to leave, pausing with his hand on the door handle.  
“I really missed you Tooru. I’m glad you're here.”  
And with that, he’s gone.

Alone once again Oikawa lets out a groan, hanging his head. How could he be so stupid. How could he let himself fall for his best friend. The distance was supposed to make it go away; to make it easier to ignore, and yet here he is hiding out in his former-teammates backyard because his stupid schoolboy crush had tumbled into full blown love.  
Fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! kudos are appreciated!! as i said i may add more to this so subscribe or keep checking back if you like the concept!!  
> xx


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